So my March Blaze, STILL IRRESISTIBLE, is my 23nd published book, and my 13th Blaze and at a family dinner my mother-in-law’s husband, 87, a dear, dear man announces for the benefit of the guest couple, strangers to most of us, “Do you know what she DOES for a LIVING?” (He means me.) “She writes SEX BOOKS!”
Now, he’s proud of this and announces it with triumph, declaring me famous, and the couple, in their mid-80s, smile politely, but they look frozen with embarrassment and I explain, “They’re love stories, yes, with a number of love scenes, but also with humor and a little suspense… blah, blah, blah,” but I did cringe. Which bothers me.
I’m not the least bit apologetic about the sex in my books. Blaze is known for sexual journeys that reflect character growth. Our characters discover love and learn how to fulfill their potential through their sexual relationship.
They’re hot books and that’s a good thing. I’m no prude, but I still get uncomfortable having my books labeled like that. I suppose it could be worse. One sister told me her friends call sexy romances “crotch throbbers.” Ooookkkaaaay…. I can support that idea. It’s just so…minimal, so boiled down, so bouillon-ish when I see our books as big, steaming, rich bowls of chicken soup for the, uh, soul.
Gone are the days when readers wrapped their romances in brown paper to read on the subway, right? We all celebrate that. So I should not be cringing, darn it.
What are your thoughts on reading–or writing–books with a high sexual content? What do you say to relatives and friends or professors who raise their eyebrows over your reading matter? I need something snappy and cute that won’t hurt my well-meaning step-father-in-law and might net some new readers.
Best,
Dawn Atkins
www.dawnatkins.com
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Boy, am I looking forward to reading these responses, because I don’t have a great answer, either. I’m lucky that my family’s supportive of me writing ANYTHING, but a friend I’ve used as a source for police work introduced me to a friend of hers as writing “sex stories” (at a 4 year old’s birthday party, no less) . I’m not inclined to snap back at someone who a) carries a 9 mm and b) can have my car towed at any moment, so I was left sputtering. Unusual for me. Help!!
It’s the getting caught off guard that gets to me–with older people or, like you, Anne, with young children around. ‘m pretty easy going about it most of the time, but I love to have plenty of snappy comebacks on hand.
Anne- to that I think I’d smile and say, “Yep. Nothing but research. All night, every night.” And walk away with a smile on your face.
Yep, when my husband’s with me and people ask about whether or not my stories are based on real-life experiences, I always nod at him and he says, “People take one look at me and go “Nope. Fiction. Definitely fiction.”
I have never had anyone comment on the books I read.
I don’t know if I will be much help here. I actually refer to myself as “the family pornographer”, mostly because my family are very proud and very supportive and it’s our little joke. You know, I wish we had as many taboos against violence as we do around sex. I think the world would be a much safer, saner place if people worried about killing people more than they worried about seeing a naked anything on TV or two adults having a nice time together. I refuse to be embarrassed about what we do -which is to help women claim their sexuality, in my opinion. I think Blaze books are very honest about what happens between men and women – ie sexual attraction. Yes, we dress it up, too, with fun plots and sassy dialogue, but sex is a big part of romantic love. As a last, quick aside, since this post is already rambling out of control, when I first started writing I was telling my mum that someone had said my book was in the chick lit style. “Clit lit?” my mother asked. Yes, this sub-genre descriptor is now a mainstay in my family, too…
Sarah: Right on! My husband thought he was so clever coining “clit lit,” so I guess great minds…
I recommend THIS MOVIE IS NOT YET RATED on this issue of brutal violence being okay at any age, but God forbid kids see a nipple or two. A personal pet peeve of my own!
Dawn
Dawn, I say, “It’s amazing how 5% of the books get 95% of the attention.”
Trying again: “It’s amazing how 5% of the book gets 95% of the attention.”
Ooh, I like this. I’m using it next time. Much more succinct than my long dissertation on the cultural implications of the romance novel form.
Sarah, that comment from your mother is the funniest comment I’ve ever heard, even though I’m assuming it wasn’t intentional on her part! & IA that Blazes are about women claiming their sexuality, & showing RL interaction between men & women.
Dawn, I never apologize for reading Blazes. I did have one woman at the Romance section of a book store tell me that she “never reads those books with the red covers”. So, I assumed the Temptations & the Desires were also part of her decision. I chuckled all the way out of the store.
I know what you mean. I once brought in a signed book to my aerobics instructor since she was so supportive and interested in my writing. She is the sweetest person and she looked at the book and said, “Oh, my. What am I going to do with this?” She was completely zapped out of her comfort zone by the sensuality of the cover. I forget some people inhabit an entirely different world than my own. The reaction is *fear* and maybe shame. Sad. On the other hand, I never did show my 97-yr-old grandfather one of my books, so there you go…
Dawn
A further P.S. to my post. Yes, I do know that the Temptations are no longer on the shelf (boo, hoo!) This meeting with Ms. “no red covers” occurred before they were taken off the publishing schedule (at least, in the U.S. As I remember they were supposed to continue to be released in Europe).
I used to blush and be embarrassed when people talked about sex, but I must say reading romance novels has cured me of it. I’m a lot more comfortable with it and don’t blush. I have no idea what you could say to people, but you shouldn’t cringe because you guys are talented in writing great books yes they’re sexy, but they have depth to them.
Nicole! Good on you for saying our books made you braver about sex. I love seeing younger women who don’t blink an eye about discussing sex and I suppose that’s what bothered me about the comment, that there was no story there when I work hard to give my characters depth and real-life reactions, so it felt like trivializing what I work so hard to create.
Wow, you guys, you’ve put me on the couch and shrunk me right out of my anxiety!
Dawn
For the dinner table situation, I would have opted for the redirect… ie, “Actually, I’m fortunate to write stories about how people meet and fall in love. How did the two of you meet?” This is a great question for a couple because it gets them thinking about the most romantic time in their life (who doesn’t feel a happy shiver at the memory of how you got together with the person you love?) and as they retell the story, they’re giving you yet another meet idea for a future story. (I) By the time they’ve finished the tale, they’re feeling very empathetic toward romance, right?
I went with redirection myself, Joanne, which is always good. Same with almost every embarrassing social situation. If you remember people are always happy to talk about themselves. Thanks for the reminder!
My inlaws are embarrassed by my books, but the rest of my family is really proud. My kids used to give me a hard time because they wanted me to write books their friends could read. Now they are older and their friends can read them, so I’m kind of cool. I love romance.
I always wondered why it was okay to blow people up or shoot them (I do this a lot to in my books) but a sex scene was too much. Your books are wonderful and you should never cringe again.
I know what you mean about kids, Candace. My 18-yr-old son had girls at a party read a sex scene from one of my books out loud for everyone’s amusement. His only comment was he disliked my using “sex” as a euphemism for “vagina,” which, sorry, I just don’t find sexy. I still cringe picturing that scene, let me tell you, but he was pretty phlegmatic about it, bless his heart!