The Cruelest Season
Posted by Blaze Author in Jamie Sobrato, tags: bikini, exercise, summer, swimsuit
While visiting a friend-of-my-boyfriend’s house recently, I was presented with a horrifying scenario. It was a warm, sunny day, and the friend in question had a swimming pool and hot tub. I had not come prepared to immerse myself in any body of water, so the wife of the friend immediately coaxed me into a bedroom and began pulling bikinis out of a drawer.
“This one will fit you!” she declared, waving at me with a tiger-print scrap of fabric.
I eyed the swimsuit in question and cringed. Sure, it might fit technically, but it was one of those Euro cut numbers designed to cover approximately 1/8 of the behind.
And I hadn’t even been mentally eased into swimsuit season yet with the obligatory torture trip to a department store dressing room to regard with sober despair the results of a winter spent writing and consuming pastry products.
Before giving me a chance to argue for a bit more modesty, it was decided by the wife that I would indeed put on the tiger-print micro-bikini and present myself to a small crowd of people already waiting by the pool. She hurried me into a bathroom to change, and a few minutes later, I was staring at myself in the mirror, horrified to find that the tiny sides of the bikini bottoms virtually disappeared beneath a newfound set of love handles.
Never one to be called a bad sport though, I pulled my summer dress on again over the offending bikini and headed for the pool, praying I’d have a good excuse not to do the big reveal. The water would be icy, I was sure, and I would be able to lounge poolside with a glass of wine without ever having to show any serious skin.
And no, I didn’t have to get in the pool, but I did take a dip in the hot tub later (shrugging off my dress only when no one was looking, then doing a mad dash into the water), where I sat regarding my newly expanded waist and promising myself I’d run six miles a day for the rest of the spring and summer.
I haven’t quite gotten around to that running-six-miles-a-day resolution. Too many writing deadlines at the moment. In the meantime though, I’d like to suggest to pool owners everywhere, if you’re going to keep extra swimsuits on hand for guests, please, please get the full coverage kind. No bikinis bought while visiting the topless (and apparently virtually bottomless) beaches of the Greek Isles.
I’m also posting this story as an official warning to those of you, like me, who’ve failed to notice swimsuit season creeping up on us. It’s almost here. My resolution is to lay off the donuts and, okay, probably not run six miles a day. But I’m going to do something physical most days of the week. Yeah. That sounds good.
How about you? Do you dread the first big reveal of the season? Do you have a strategy for getting into summer-wear shape? And have you ever been forced to wear someone else’s tiger-print micro-bikini, or is that just something that happens to me?
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LOL! Loved the post, Jamie. Of course, you’d look phenomenal in two scraps of burlap, but that’s beside the point. We all have these moments, I think. All I gotta do is remember the gorgeous Swedes that walk around every last beach in Greece, topless and in thongs. Forget about closing Tony’s mouth. *I’m* the one gaping after them, incredulous. So many of them are so over the top beautiful that…well, it doesn’t matter what the rest of us look like. Strangely, there’s relief to be found in that. And you can forget about bulging cellulite and ill-fitting suits and get on with the business of enjoying the hot sunshine and cool water and the company of friends.
Lori
(C) I am a big girl, as in over 200 and I for one would NEVER be caught in a bikini! LOL In my 20′s yes, I would have because back then I was skinny but even then I complained about being fat. Looking back I want to slap myself and say “Are you blind? You were NOT fat!” I am happy the way I am for the most part and my hubby Bless his soul, has never said one word to me about my size. Although I have lost 25 pounds since last July. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what size we women are we will never be satsified! I will be happy if I stay this size or if I continue to lose some, because in the end my husband loves me and isn’t that all that matters in life is that you have someone who loves you with or without those extra pounds!
ROTFL Well, I don’t know if I have ever been in what you would call swimsuit shape, not since I was 17, probably, but I’m with Patsy, I have learned not to worry about it. I throw on my suit and have fun. I have a few nice Lands End one-piece suits that I like, and I wear them comfortably, but I don’t think I would ever wear a loner suit, unless it was the right kind. I would have had to beg off the bikini. It would have probably disappeared, LOL. Good for you that you could wear it!
As to strategy, I am kind of a “if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, do I want my last thought to be, ‘why didn’t I have that stupid cheeseburger?’” type, so I have just been making small changes and staying active, and with that, I’ve lost 20lbs in the last 2 years that have stayed off, and hoping to lose another ten this year, so by the time I turn 50, I should be more or less where I want to be. I am not big on dieting or sacrifice, though I do like exercise. Yard work is my favorite work out.
I’ll probably never will wear a bikini again, and that’s okay.
Sam
LOL. Bikini is not even in my vocabulary any more. I’d like to say I’ve just learned to accept my, um, curves (read rolls) but when it comes to bathing suits they make me nothing but sad. We have a vacation to Florida in a few weeks and I know it will take me a few days to get over the chubby everything while hanging out at the pool and beach.
I have a decent tankini, also from Land’s End, and while I’m wearing it I don’t feel horrible. That’s the key, IMHO, to surviving swimsuit season – to feel confident. Confident women aren’t necessarily slender or toned or tanned, but they exude such a positive, comfortable-with-themselves aura that it doesn’t seem to matter. That’s what I’m going for…because the stretch marks, cellulite, and bizarre wrinkles aren’t going away!
This is exactly right.
And really, I think we are our own harshest judges.
I like what Lori said about there being relief in just admiring the beautiful, then settling back to relax and enjoy.
Sam
I bow to the tankini. You can have kids, via surgery no less, and still wear a two-piece. LOL
Though I’ve lost a lot of weight in the past two years I would never wear a bikini. I haven’t worn a bathing suit in 6 years. I’m just comfortable showing all that skin. Plus I don’t know how to swim so I don’t really need one lol I’m actually going to try wearing capris this summer for the first time. To me that’s a great feeling because I haven’t worn anything showing my legs in many years.
You Go Girl! You will be much cooler! My new motto is “If they don’t like seeing it, Then they just shouldn’t look!” LOL
I say that’s a good motto!
Arrgh…And I’ve just thrown out the new Land’s End catalogue! Why? Because I doubted any of them could be as comfortable as they look.
Next year!
And I wouldn’t have been in the bikini either. Not in years. I do have a photo though. (H)
Bonnie
LOL!! I am cracking up about the winter spent writing and consuming pastry products! In my 20′s I worked in a department store and it was hilarious to hear all the moans, groans and yes, cursing, coming from the dressing room area when bathing suits were being tried on. I now am one of those cursors. :-O
Although I don’t have a bikini kind of bod anymore, (thank God for tankinis!) I love spending time in my pool. There’s nothing better than floating around sipping on a cold adult beverage and reading a hot Blaze! (H)
Yep, THAT is the way to spend a hot summer.
That happened to me once in high school. The marching band was on an overnight trip and staying at a hotel, with an indoor pool. It was early spring, and I hadn’t even considered packing a bathing suit, so someone loaned me a bikini. At the tender age of 16, I was not fond of bikinis. I hate my waistline (too wide, too flabby, no hips to balance it out…I’m a rectangle). (Having 2 kids by c-section has not changed my opinion). And my choices were to sit on the side of the pool fully dressed, missing out on all the fun, or to hide my belly beneath a t-shirt until about 2″ before hitting the water.
These days, thanks to those 2 kids, I’m bathing-suit ready all year long. My kiddos love to swim, and they take lessons all winter at the local Y, and they both like to play in the pool after class. I wear tankinis to cover the belly, and now my biggest pool phobia is about shaving (but I have a couple of swim skirts, so I can avoid that issue if I feel like it).
LOL Jamie. I suppose that’s one nice thing about gaining 60 lbs. No one would dream of handing me a bikini and telling me to put it on.
I have gotten over myself quite a bit ever since my son was born. I remember the first time I took him in a pool when he was an infant. I wanted hubby to film it, but he wasn’t allowed to start the camera until I was chest-deep in the pool. Okay, so I can only get over myself so much!
You would never find me in a bikini. Even when I was in high school! I’m such a tom boy. For me it was always shorts and a t-shirt. Now I will put on a one piece but I will wear shorts with it. The shaving issue. I will have to look into the tankinis, they sound pretty neat. With my kids wanting to start swimming now. I will have to find something.
I feel your pain!! I’m dealing with this same issue right now, sort of. We’re having a surprise party for my husband at our river house this weekend and I know I’ll want to be on the jetski and the boat. But I don’t have a bathing suit that fits. And even if I did, I wouldn’t dare put it on in front of people. I’ve gained 30 pounds over the past 18 months and I feel absolutely horrible about it. Having to deal with the “what can I wear this weekend” issue is really frustrating me and making me feel even worse.
Nicole – Congrats!!!! I don’t wear anything but long pants and I know what a great feeling that will be for you to be in something else. Enjoy and celebrate your accomplishment!
The sun and I are not friends. :-[
The sun never should have been my friend either. Hats and sunblock are my current BFF.
I love hearing so many comments about just relaxing and having fun during swimsuit season. That really is the whole point, regardless of whatever’s happening in the love handle department.
Well, Jamie, you know those love handles are there to hold on to … better leverage…LOL
Sam
I usually just wear a one piece. It will at least hide a little bit of my weight. I normally only go swimming at my friend’s pool where no one but my friends and family would see me. I would have to drop 30 pounds before I would wear a swimsuit in public.
Alannah, I suggest a t-shirt and swim shorts. I have swim shorts that I wear with my one piece so no one can see my thighs.
Dear God. I would probably have hyperventilated if someone handed me a bikini, and then I would have skulked around feeling like a wet blanket all afternoon for not getting into the spirit of things. Most of the time I can put all that crap aside and have a good time – who of us has a super model body, after all? – but sometimes it definitely messes with my head. You’re a champion for diving in! On the subject of swimsuits, there was a great line in Murphy Brown years ago where someone insulted Murphy and Candace said in her wonderfully dry way “‘Thank you. I think I’ll now go try on swimsuits under fluorescent lighting.”
Yes, I dread swimsuits. I should have started dieting right after New Years.
Jamie,
I happen to have a pool and I can tell you that the extra suits that we keep on hand are for swimming and not for show. Some people may like to show everything they own but I’m don’t. Especially after a long winter.
Swimsuit season is something I looked forward to as a young kid. As a young adult, I remember the agony of picking out a suit that covered my body enough yet revealed my assets. Fitting room mirrors always make me look heavier. Now, as an older woman who has drooped, I hope that the suit I bought last year fits. It’s a stylish one piece that has plenty of coverage. Maybe it will even get wet. I better not check my reflection, because more of me may be looking back.