True Confessions of a Social Networking Hermit
Posted by Jamie Sobrato in Jamie Sobrato, tags: Blogs, Facebook, Jamie Sobrato, MySpace, Social Networking, Twitter
I cancelled my Facebook account yesterday with no small amount of glee. I never could figure out why people sent me invitations to online Easter egg hunts or asked me to fill out surveys about the ten things I last ate for breakfast.
I lost interest in Myspace years ago, soon as I settled on a wallpaper for my homepage. I’ve tried to do away with that account too, but for reasons I cannot fathom, the mysterious powers in control of the company requested that I send them a photo of myself holding up a sign with my name on it in order to cancel my account. Seriously. I’m not kidding.
I’m a spotty blogger at best, and I’ve dabbled in Twitter, but without any lasting enthusiasm. Friends will tell you I’m not even good at keeping up with email (you might get a reply from me right away, or you might never hear from me until one day a few years from now when I finally clean out my email inbox and realize I’ve failed to answer your message).
It’s not that I don’t see the value of social networking. I do. Sort of. (Okay, not really.)
I like to hear from my friends, but to be honest, I’m a bit of a hermit. ‘Socially gregarious’ is not a phrase that’s ever been used to describe me, and all the possibilities for networking with people online make me want to take a nap.
In spite of the hermit tendencies, I have a bit of a Jeckyll and Hyde relationship with my blog/Twitter account/whatever. I’ll be wildly enthusiastic about posting for a while, and then I’ll start to hate the responsibility and vanish. It usually happens when I’m overwhelmed with a deadline. When the impossible workload has been conquered, I’ll sheepishly come out of my cave and post again.
How about you? Do you have a favorite social networking medium? Do you Facebook or Twitter? What do you love or hate about them? Can you explain to me what the surveys and Easter egg hunts are all about? Here’s your chance to convince me of what I’m missing out on.
You can follow me/friend me/whatever on the following links, but don’t be surprised when I disappear. And if I never hear from you at all–don’t feel bad. I understand completely.
My blog: http://www.jamiesobrato.com
My Twitter Page: http://twitter.com/jamiesobrato
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I’m one all three twitter/facebook and my space. But I have gotten away from my space. I love facebook! I love the farming games. The other stuff I use for awhile then I forget about it. With facebook I love to stay in touch with all my friends for far away. Twitter I only use that to keep up with my 4-H stuff. That to me is more of a community that you can get announcements out to people and quick.
LOL, Jamie! Let me go imbibe major quantities of caffeine before I offer up a semi-coherent response. In this regard, I think you’re getting caught up in the ’social’ aspect of the above. But let me wake up a bit more before I go sticking my foot in my mouth…
I have account on all three. (Facebook,Twitter and My Space) My Space I have gotten away from but still have my account. SOme of my friends are still on My Space. I Love FACEBOOK! I can keep in touch with alot of friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. I love doing the farming games and some of the others. I will do some game for a while then I will just give them up. Twitter is new to me and so far I see it as a good communication tool for organizations.
Just a few of my thoughts for you!!!! Thanks for all the good books!!!
I love Facebook. I’ve connected with alot of my high school friends where we post pictures for the past and present and keep up with what each of us is doing. I’m addicted to the quizzes like What Star Trek character are you? (Spock) and Who Hollywood actress are you? (Kathyrn Hepburn). I’m not into the pillow fight, Easter egg hunts, ect and I just set it to ignore them.
Also, since my son lives 4 hours away I can keep up with him and see the photos his friends post of him. So I love it.
I do love the photo aspect of Facebook–how easy it is to see what’s going on in your friends’ and families’ lives that way.
I love it all, but then again, I’ve been online in one social environment or another since the late 80s.
I love online life. I have to admit, if it were only promo, I wouldn’t bother. I don’t even like watching TV commercials (thank you, TiVo), and so that’s what promo posts are, unless they are from someone I know and converse with.
Online environments are communities — you have to have a presence and invest in them for them to work for you, and it does take time and energy — but the main interest has to be social. When I know someone, talk with them, then I am more interested in following their links, etc. I find it works in reverse, the more people get to know me, the more people follow me, and my links. But I do this because I really do enjoy it. I learn a lot, I like the people I chat with, they keep me interested during the day when I am home alone writing… so it’s really a “world” to me — the virtual office space.
A lot of folks find this a comfortable and natural, enjoyable thing, others don’t…I don’t think it’s wrong or right either way, it’s just a personality thing. I have quite a few friends who never go online, and they are just fine. For me, it’s just part of my life.
BTW, check out this tee-shirt, it’s hysterical: http://site.despair.com/socialmediatee/
I really think it’s just a media you either take to or you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong either way.
Sam
That tee-shirt is hilarious, Sam!
I do think it’s great for writers to have an online office space if that works for you (it tends to suck me in too much and keeps me from being productive). Writing is a lonely profession and we all have to find a way to cope with that aspect of the business. I’ve tried various ways of coping…online socializing, working at cafes, sharing an office with a friend, getting a day job, etc… There’s no perfect solution, but each has its advantages.
Also, FWIW, I completely agree on the FB Spam, but I just hide that stuff — it’s easy, just the click of a button. Neither do I subscribe to the idea that I *have* to follow everyone on Twitter who follows me — I immediately block all spam there, and follow only people I am interested in, and I don’t try to accumulate massive #s of people 0n FB — again, I only allow “friends” I am interested in or who are readers/writers/friends. I try to come at it as a quality over quantity thing — I would rather have smaller numbers of people I actually talk with and am interested in… and I think that probably goes farther than having thousands of people where I am just another voice in the crowd…
IMO. Your mileage may vary.
Sam
It sounds like you’ve found a way to make it work well for you. I admit, I never figured out how to use the site. I mostly checked the account from my phone, where the app has limited abilities.
I love Facebook, I’m not so good with Twitter. . .only because I’m too busy with my Facebook… I also used to wonder why people do the quizzes until one day when I was all stressed-up and did one, it helped me relax
I had lots of fun with a toilet paper one the other day 
I like that it’s my facebook page and I can play on it or not … there are no rules that say you must go on right now or whenever, I go up when I can or when I feel like it *G*
Decemer 2008 I found my stepsister on Facebook, whom I’ve lost contact with more than 13 years ago, it was the best Christmas present ever !
Hey and I absolutely love seeing what new Easter egg “Tori Carrington” is gonna find next
Petro, my imagination is running wild trying to picture what one might do with TP on Facebook.
That’s great that you were able to reconnect with your stepsister!
I’m on facebook, but I’m really bad about going on it each day. I enjoy the quizzes on facebook, but don’t do much of the other “clutter” that is on there. I do like that I’ve been able to connect with friends from high school and college, as well as keep up with family and my many writer friends.
Liza, maybe part of my problem is that I don’t want to reconnect with people from high school.
I agree though, having such an easy venue for keeping up with so many people is appealing.
I was really more excited about finding college friends and sorority sisters over high school friends, but once one finds you they come in waves.
LOL Petro on the TP… okay, I admit, I couldn’t resist that one, and it sure spawned a lot of conversation, which is maybe another fun thing about the quizzes, etc — they are one more way for people to connect, even if the topic is silly…
That’s pretty amazing about your stepsister… we have been talking about tracking down some long lost family in England… maybe I’ll look at FB first…
Sam
Oh you must try Samantha . . . and let us know how it goes
All the best !
Jamie, as I was reading your post, I started asking myself if I wrote it and simply forgot. LOL I’m with you 100% I do exactly the same thing, go on-line for a while, get involved, then start feeling overwhelmed with book deadlines, my day job, my family and soon I’m backing off. I’m in a constant ebb and flow depending on how much is going on in my personal life.
I also think that the internet world can be dangerous, particularly in some of the tight-knit romance forums. It’s quite easy to open one’s mouth and say something that’s taken wrong, and when you have no “live” contact with these people they have no basis for determining your context. It’s not hard to get labeled a moron or insensitive jerk, particularly when you don’t always know who you’re talking to. Granted, we’re on many of the same loops and you do a good job escaping that sort of thing, but I’ve seen more enemies made on-line than friends on many occasions.
Given all that, I do hang on Facebook, primarily because my family is there. And the longer I hang out on line, the more I find myself sticking toward the smaller groups of people who I have personal friendships with, who know me so that if I say something dumb, I don’t have to worry about what they’re thinking. LOL
I do hope you’ll continue blogging, though, because I think you come up with some really awesome posts!
I agree completely, Lori. It’s so easy to be misunderstood online. Even as I composed this post, I found myself thinking, “Hmm, do I sound too grumpy? Am I going to put people off by seeming anti-social?”
I edited out some stuff because I felt like it might be misinterpreted. In real life, I *think* I’m a warm, friendly person. Going to writers’ conferences is always a huge reality check for me. We get an idea that we really know people by interacting with them online, and then when I meet people face to face that I mostly know online, I’m shocked at how different they seem from their online selves. People I find bubbly and vivacious online might seem cool and reserved in person, and people I find offputting online are often incredibly cool in real life.
I’m happy to say though, knowing you in real life and online, you’re equally lovely in both venues.
I think you do a good job of conveying your personality online.
Oh, and thank you for the blog compliments! I doubt I’ll ever give up my blog, but I also know I’ll never be good at steadily updating it.
That’s nice of you to say so. And it’s good to know I’m not the only one who re-reads and edits before I cement my words into internet infinity. LOL
I love Facebook!!!!! I have been getting reconnected with alot of my high school friends. I love to farm on Facebook also. I’m on My Space and Twitter also. But not so much on My Space anymore. Twitter is new to me and is more of a communication thing with groups of people.
Cheryl, now you must explain how one “farms” on Facebook.
Do you guys think people who tend to be extraverts in real life also tend to be extraverted online? Or is there no connection? I can think of examples to prove either statement, so I’m leaning toward the no-connection camp.
Yes, I tend to think they are two different animals. Some normally shy people feel a sense of freedom on line thinking they’ll never personally meet the people they’re talking to, so they can open up. Others who are very social personally are petrified to speak in circles when they don’t know who’s listening. I personally know people who fit into both categories. Interesting question.
I have a MySpace page (which I never update in fear I’ll much up all the html formatting and the whole thing will go loopy). I have a FaceBrook Page which rocks and is so much easier to update and just drop a quick update on. I have a Twitter page for… Hm. You know what? I have no clue why I have a Twitter page. I have yet to discover the purpose of a tweet. I mean, who cares what I think of anything in 160 characters? Do I care that someone is drinking a half-cafe-decafe mocha latte and reading the NY Times? Not so much.
Julie
Amen!
I don’t do any of them and hope I never will. I don’t understand where people find that kind of time. Maybe when my kids grow up, I give up writing and hire a cleaning service…maybe *then* I’ll be able to keep up with all that. lol
Well, I’ve been away and one of the first places I went this morning when I got back in the seat was Twitter. I don’t have FB nor MySpace…just my site and Twitter. And some group blogs like this one.
But I think most people are like you (and me) Jamie. There are times I’m able and willing to connect online…other times I can’t. I decided a few years ago not to feel guilt about not *always* cheering when I’m on deadline/stressed/dealing with “other life” stuff. I figure no one cares if I’m saying atta girl…there are tons of people to do that, If I’m too busy, no one will notice one voice missing.
One guaranteed way to get me to respond, though, is a writing question. I can’t resist those. I always have an opinion/suggestion/response. Always. Maybe I’m just bossy like that.
While I was away, I checked email but didn’t go anywhere else online. Gave me a bit of a break. It was nice…with Twitter you don’t really miss much, just pick it up again, b/c it’s so in the moment.
Off to enjoy a lovely evening with family,
Bonnie
Hi Jamie- I admit I have not yet succumbed to My Space, Facebook (DH calls it spacebook) or twitter. I have enough of a time keeping up with chats and blogs and friends I have made on those! I like egg hunts and scavenger hunts because I get to visit different author sites and learn about more good books. And if I am lucky I may win a book for my efforts! *G*
I have Twitter and Myspace. Never got into Facebook. Actually talking with my friends online has helped me not be as shy in real life. I used to be super quiet and hardly ever talk to anyone. I may be still shy, but I’ve come out of my shell.
I’ve been thinking about the different social networks a lot recently. I’m on FB, which I still don’t understand, and MySpace. I’ve stubbornly resisted Twitter. I do enjoy blogging and have decided to pick three things I enjoy doing most and let the others go. I think it’s all about finding your comfort level. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.
I hear ya on the glee of canceling a Facebook account. I never felt so hunted and hounded by my computer as when I was a member of the Facebook Nation.
I still have a MySpace, I still use it occasionally. I don’t know if I’ll ever Twitter – I can tell you now, it’s not something that I can see myself enjoying – but you never know. And I’m new to blogging (even after 6 months) so I’m still figuring it all out.
But I hated Facebook.
Jamie, I’m the opposite of you with posting — I tend to tweet away on Twitter when I’m under a deadline. Something about those mini-breaks and the flurry of brain activity and all that creativity flowing through me. Then, when I’ve submitted, my brain goes blank and I stop all my social networking. I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends from school and little else. Guess I’d rather be social the old-fashioned way: in person!
Elle