(Y)

That needs to be on a plaque.

Beautiful, Liz. Really great. What a fascinating background you had. So glad books were there when you needed them. I’ve actually had nightmares where I wasn’t allowed books, and those terrified me. Thanks for stopping by.

I love this. I know so many women who have tried to achieve happiness and fulfillment the other way around, and it always ends up horribly. The most important relationship a woman can nurture is the one with herself. Everything else is gravy.

Not that long ago, I saw an author chastising her readers on open forum for not liking one of her books. She told them to get over it, that it was just a book, and she didn’t understand how anyone could be upset over fiction. I lost a lot of respect for her after that, because it was clear the author felt about the book the same way as her readers, the only difference being she had no emotional attachment to the characters or the story. It didn’t matter to her, and that’s one of the reasons the book failed so miserably.

I grew up in a small, southern town, and had a very conservative upbringing. My grandmother, whom I spent a lot of time with, had very strict ideals for how women should act. According to her belief system, women were always to be subservient to men, women shouldn’t vote, women shouldn’t wear certain types of clothing or makeup, women shouldn’t read for fun. . . she was very adamant about that last one, since she was convinced reading filled young ladies’ minds with flights of fancy and made them obstinate. She used to confiscate and burn books she felt were inappropriate–including a category romance circa 1993 that had the word “nipple” in it.

Don’t get me wrong; I loved my grandmother very much, and despite her futile efforts to turn me into a reputable young lady, we eventually agreed to disagree. But there’s no doubt about it, if I hadn’t had the opportunity (thanks to the public library) to read the kinds of books she didn’t want me to read, I wouldn’t be the same person I am now, be it good or bad.

Not everyone takes something away from every book they read, and not everyone considers romance novels “real” books. But those aren’t the people most authors want to reach anyway, so who cares? Write like it matters, because for someone, it does. It really, really does.

When a teen, I read 20 books a week, as well as being an honor student. Books were always such a wonderful diversion. Later, I married, had a Down’s daughter &, then, a son, &, unfortunately, divorced. At that point I was a full-time single parent, worrying about never making ends meet (no child support), trying to find 2 different day care programs (one for each child) & struggling through child raising. I tried to read, but, never had time to reach the end of the book, so, put them aside for 32 years. After I retired I returned to what I had always loved–reading Romances, & in 7 years, have read over 1,000 books. It’s been so wonderful. When people ask me why I read Romances, I say, “if you are in a happy relationship, they make you feel lucky; if you were in one, but, aren’t now, they make you remember & hope for another; &, if you haven’t yet experienced one, they make you look forward to the possibility”. I feel Romances let you discover love & a sexual life, so, when you experience them in your RL, you know what is most important.

If asked, I say to young women, “develop a career & make your own happiness, &, if you meet someone to love (& they love you), you just add them to an already good life”. “On the other hand, if you aren’t lucky to find a good relationship, you still can have a good life.”

Best,

Patricia

Isn’t it amazing how so many, many people need to learn to embrace who they are, all of who they are? Thank goodness for all the diversity in romance novels. There’s something for everyone, for every need. I, too, have learned so much from romance. Maybe the most important is to be kinder to myself. To give myself a break from time to time. And to be willing to be loved. Man, that’s a hell of a step.

Isn’t it a joy (and hard, hard work) to write these books? We’re so lucky.

You said so well what I believe about the teaching power of books, particularly books that deal with the heart and come from a woman’s perspective. We all need to know that the feelings that are important to us, the things that make us so different from men, are important and valuable, and that what we have to offer is astonishing. We are different from men, and we need to look to each other for passing along the wisdom. Thanks for coming by.

Boy, I’m right with you on how much these books have taught me. I’m as grateful for books as I am for anything else good in my life.

Thanks for sharing your story. I had no doubt at all that I would discover kindred spirits with this post. You and I, we’re quite alike, I think.