Okay, so I’m in my Jazzercise class yesterday and my instructor, who has been out for a week since her trip to visit her 103 year old grandmother, singles me out toward the end of class to “thank me” for contributing to an interesting experience she had in the airport on her way home. Now, as I’m not a stranger to causing people “interesting” experiences, I wonder what I could have possibly done from Florida while she was in Indiana to cause her grief, but she was laughing, so I hoped it was something good.
We’re in between sets and she proceeds to take from her bag some of the produce she’d brought home from her grandmother’s farm. Inside her bag is the largest zucchini I’ve ever seen. I’m serious. This this was HUMONGOUS. It weighted about six pounds. She had two of them.
I still didn’t know what part I played in all this, but as a Blaze author, my mind instantly went to the dirtiest place possible. (For those of you with much cleaner thought processes than mind, think vegetable=sex toy.) I chuckled, but still didn’t know how I could have contributed to anything that happened thousands of miles away from me.
Until she took out the third thing she’d had in her bag–one of my romance novels. One with a very bright red cover. One that would easily attract attention from a long distance and that had the word KISS in the title, just in case anyone wondered what those two amorous looking people on the cover were going to do.
Apparently, she was standing in the line to board her plane, completely unaware that the contents of her bag had shifted so that one of the Black Dagger Brotherhood zucchinis and my novel were both clearly visible to passers-by. She said people were staring at her, but as she’s one of those people who normally attracts attention (she says it’s because she’s bubbly and animated, but in truth, it’s because she’s frickin’ gorgeous) she paid no mind. It wasn’t until she reached her seat that she realized that the pairing of a very large, quite elongated vegetable coupled with a steamy romance novel had caused her to be the subject of some speculation.
Now, I found this so hilarious, I could hardly work on my abs during our next routine. I’m sure half the people in class had no idea why I thought this so funny (most of them are quite prudish, or at least, they pretend to be) but I make no bones about the fact that sex, to me, is infinitely hilarious. I warned my instructor that I would blog about her experience…and that it might, someday very soon, end up in a book. It’s just too good of a story not to share!
So tell me…have you ever had an embarrassing situation with a romance novel? One you might be able to laugh off now, but wasn’t so funny then? Or did you think it was funny then, too.
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Too funny, Julie!!
Oh man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall of that airport security! I can’t say I’ve had any situations like that , er… come up. I guess I lead a boring life.
The most embarrassing thing even vaguely related would be when my mom read my erotic romance novella in the Secrets anthology last year. Having warned me that she usually skips a lot of sex scenes, I was prepared for the worst. But she said she really liked the story, that she understood why I had given it the title because it had to do with what the characters had to learn. I was so thrilled that she’d “gotten” my theme! Then a beat later she said, “But Juliet, where did you learn all that stuff!”
Ack!
Juliet, those are always good times…parents reading your books. I remember the first time my father read one of my books. My aunt made a comment to him along the lines of, “But did you read it all? Because it’s pretty racy” and my father deadpanned, “Well, it’s not like I haven’t done it.”
5-1-1!! Too much information!!!
Hi
That was a great hilarious story!
Thanks for sharing.
I’ll have a perma-grin all day!
All the best,
twitter: @RKCharron
xoxo
I know! I was laughing all day yesterday.
Today, she told me she’s bringing me one of the zucchinis! I’m slapping that sucker on the grill!
LOL that is hilarious!!!
I do have a story… I was at a comedy club, and the comedian asked the audience who thought they had the best job. I put my hand up (of course!) and when he called on me, I said I was a romance novelist.
He laughed, affected a sarcastic voice, and said, “Like, ‘I love your c*ck, it’s so big and… full of cheese.’ And then they pay you?”
I smiled politely and said, “Yes. Minus the cheese.”
(I won.)
Erica, that’s priceless!!!
Julie, That was a very funny story. I can imagine that your instructor was the subject of lots of “across-the-table” discussion after many of those people landed.
I’ve never apologized for reading Blazes, or Temptations before that. However, I did have a woman come up to me at a UBS & say, “I NEVER read those books with the red covers”, to which I laughingly responded, “well, that’s why there are so many DIFFERENT books, one for every taste”.
One thing I do agree, sex should be experienced with lots of laughter. Putting so much pressure on it being “that important”, only makes for it being less-than-wonderful.
Patricia
Oh, I never apologize either…never have…not even back when I was in Catholic school and was caught with a romance novel. I think the whole attitude that “sex is fun” (and funny!) is what makes Blaze such a great line. We all know it’s serious…but when it’s also fun, it takes it to a whole new level.
One more comment: around 20 YO I remembered reading a quote from a famous author (can’t remember his name), who had discovered his 12 YO daughter reading a sex book about “positions”, & asked her if she had any questions. She nodded & asked (very seriously), “how do you keep from laughing”. I love that quote, & think it’s just right on to remember.
Love this story Julie!
I love my romance novels and have never had a problem with reading them in public. I did have someone reading over my shoulder/arm on a plane one time. When I turned the page, he asked me to go back for just a second so he could finish reading the page. I laughed about it and just put the book between us and turned the pages when he was ready.
That’s awesome! I hope he bought his own once you landed!
How funny. I’ve never had anything like that happen but my biggest worry now is my 6 year old grandson who reads so well he can read my book titles. I have to make sure they are flipped over when he comes over. He sounds out all the big words then asks you what they mean. I’m not ready for that.
OMG Julie, what a story! I love it. My husband just yelled from another room wanting to know what was so funny.(I’m howling in laughter with tears running down my face.) I’m not about to tell him. He will never see the humor in it. But hey, that’s his loss!
Thanks for the giggles, I really needed it today.
-Pamela
Hey Jules, that was a very funny story. I would be so embarrassed, if I was her. You know, you read Blazes if your mind went straight to the “gutter” after you said really elongated vegetable. I would have been ROFLMA too if I was in the class when she told you what happened.
I don’t have any stories like that to share, but I am really enjoying reading what some others have written here today.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
My story isn’t that outlandish or hilarious but embarrassing at the time. A few years back while on a business trip, I boarded my plane, got to my seat. A sweet older lady was already by the window, I had the isle seat and there was a seat left in the middle. The vacant seat held all kinds of possibilities (hot, cute possibilities) since I am single, never been married…yada, yada. I dreamed up all kinds of possibilities that could land beside me on my trip home and then who would need a stinkin’ romance novel for the flight? And then it happened. I actually heard him before I saw him. I don’t know how I knew he was bound for my “seat of possibilities†– the flesh crawling up my neck should have warned me. Before long, there he stood. He’d obviously had a few rounds at the bar before boarding. He was lubed up and ready for action – lucky us! I thought the best plan of action was the polite head nod and then to delve straight into my book – no conversation because I could see where it could lead – crash and burn (not good while waiting for take off). Of course he wasn’t having the silent treatment and made a few interesting comments about my hair and about how good our babies would look (yes, he did!). THEN…he goes straight for, “Whatcha reading?†He sees the cover and proceeds to announce to the plane, “She’s reading a sex book!!†I think I turned as red as the cover! It was terrible. The sweet guy (my age – I might add) across the isle from me asked if I wanted to change him seats. Drunk boy finally left me alone because I’d started talking to the other guy. As we got off the plane, the other guy and I were walking and chatting and from far off in the distance I heard “You missed your chance honey – our babies!!†Yes I must admit there are mornings I do wake up and miss that red nose and beer belly and think “what if?â€