September 29th was my mother’s birthday, and I’ve been thinking about her a lot this weekend. It seems only right that I should mention her in a blog today.
I live a very busy life. I always have. (And who doesn’t?) But every so often, my mom, who was a “nudger” and not a nag, would ask: “Are you taking the time to live in the moment?”
Most of the time, the answer was no. Even now, I find it hard to do that. Lately, my life seems to be an endless to-do list. As soon as I cross one item off, another pops up to replace it. Sad to say, I’m often too caught up in racing from this moment to the next to ever really savor the one I’m in.
I do have excuses. (And I’m good at naming them!) The end of August and the whole month of September is always hectic. There are always those writing deadlines. Then there are the on-going family dramas I have to referee. And there is the challenging task of juggling the beginning of the fall semester at the two colleges where I teach. There are student names to put together with faces, first papers to grade, and this year there are the swine flu rules, regulations, and warnings that have been flooding my email inbox. (I have never washed my hands so often in my entire life!)
A decade ago, I would have mentioned other things (perhaps shopping for college and shoe-horning a freshman son into his first dorm room), but the list would have been just as long.
What brought my mom’s advice to mind this weekend is that in spite of my chaotic, no-room-left-schedule, I scheduled a trip to visit my two grandchildren who live in Florida. Marian is seven and Andrew just turned five. I live in Syracuse, New York, and I can’t seem to go for more than two months without seeing them. So–did I have the time to visit them this weekend? No. But I had a need. Even as I saw my to-do list expanding exponentially in my absence, I booked the flight. And anticipating the visit was what got me through the week.
However, it wasn’t until I was with them the past weekend that I realized what it is they do for me. Like nothing else that I can think of, they allow me to live totally in the present moment. And they teach me to savor it. During the time I’m with them, the deadlines and the students and the piles of essays–even the family dramas–disappear.
And there is only Andrew showing me how he can spiral underwater from one end of the pool to the other. There is only Marian reading to me about the human respiratory system and how important the alveoli are. (If you’d asked me last Friday what alveoli were, I would have guessed a delicious pasta sauce!)
Whenever I visit them, Marian and Andrew and I repeat the rituals we’ve established during other visits. We go to the same mall. (Only now, I shop with Marian for shoes as well as toys. She’s inherited my mother’s shoe-loving gene). We eat lunch at the same restaurant where we have a favorite table, we throw coins into a fountain, and make wishes, and we often go to a movie.
This past weekend we saw “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs” in 3D. I highly recommend it. Of course, it’s much more enjoyable if you see it with a five year old sitting on your lap. (Not because he’s scared. Five is much too old to be scared. It’s just that the 3D glasses work better from that angle.)
There were two things I was thinking about as I Jet Blued my way back to Syracuse. One is that I need to find more ways to “live in the moment” in my busy day to day life. My mom was right about that. Living more in the moment will not only enrich my creativity, it will enrich my life.
The other thing I was thinking is how much I owe my mom. What I’m doing with my grandchildren, treasuring the moments, building memories, is exactly what she did with my three sons. Once she flew into Syracuse from Detroit and then took them back to Michigan on the train so that they could have their first train ride.
She was amazing! And she was a lot better at savoring the moment than I am. Happy Birthday, Mom!
How do you find ways in a busy, busy life to live in the moment?
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What a wonderful tribute to your mom. I’m also all about spending time with my grandkids. I had 3 of them here yesterday and while they are exhausting (6,4,6months) I wouldn’t trade my time with them for a million dollars. I’m lucky in that all my grandkids live within 15 minutes of me. So I get to see them all the time. My grandson (6) is addicted to PBS and watches all the space shows and now he is watching the National Parks shows that have been on this week. When he was about 3 he would tell us that the Antiques Roadshow was his favorite show. My 4 year old granddaughter just started twirling lessons Sunday. My first thought was “OMG, you are trusting her with a baton around her brother?” I foresee some lumps on the head as she is always pestering him. My daughter has her hands full with these two.
Linda Henderson
Cara, What a wonderful post. I have a 45 YO Down’s Syndrome daughter, Lisa. This morning she/I went to the Internist for Dr. Ghoul’s (my name for him) blood-letting for our cholesterol readings. While driving, Lisa went through the alphabet & thought of a word starting with each letter, i.e., A = apple, etc. She wasn’t stumped at any letter, including Q & Z. I was so proud of her. No one has had to work harder to be the best of her ability, &, in spite of her many medical challenges, every day she manages to “have a great day”. This is what I’ve learned from her, but, due to many worries about her health & my son’s, I frequently forget. However, she, with her attitude, always reminds me.
Patricia
What a beautiful way to remember your mom. Thanks so much for an important reminder, Cara!
I am SO bad about my “To DO list and running around trying to get everything done for “tomorrow”. So, I really needed this “nudge”. Thank you , Cara. I’m going to get some real food and make a real meal for my family and make us all sit around the table for dinner tonight. And then have real conversations with my kids before they’re grown and out of the house.
(Y)