Elizabeth says:

Hey, Juliet, don’t you dare downplay your work ethic! I, for one, have always been in awe of your scheduling prowess and your ability to self-motivate. That’s a *lot* harder to do than it sounds. Not to mention all you juggle. There can’t be a person in the house who doesn’t recognize how hard you work! (And if they don’t, a few missed appointments and suppers will do the trick….bwaahaaahaa. )

You pose a very interesting question, and I started in on a very long and rambling answer (I know, who’d've thunk?) But I think it comes down to this.

We’re women, and we have highly developed guilt complexes. We feel guilty for *everything* — extra calories, for perceived imperfections in our mothering styles, for self-perceived flaws in our work, our looks, the state of our house/car/work area. I don’t think I’ve ever known a woman who didn’t feel guilty about *something*, and usually, said guilt really didn’t have much of a valid basis.

I’ve felt guilty about being a SAHM after spending 29 years working various jobs. Either I’ve fretted about not bringing home that steady paycheck, or I’ve felt guilty when the house has been less than perfect or supper hasn’t been ready. It didn’t matter how valid the reasons were — the baby was especially needy or we’d spent half the day going to appointments, or because I could barely stand or pick anything up because of severe tendonitis in my wrists and feet — I felt guilty. But I also felt guilty when I worked full time outside of the home, got an idea itching at my backbrain, and felt resentful that I couldn’t sit down and write about it immediately. And then I’d feel guilty for resenting such a good job!

So, no, I’m not surprised you’d feel a little guilty, because guilt, thy name is woman. But should you? Heck, no. Our minds are just biochemical computers, really. And in our case, we’re putting in information which needs to be computed (i.e., ‘I need a way to approach this epilogue’). But we forget, not even the most high powered computer comes up with an answer immediately. It needs time to compute. What we have to do is remove all unnecessary functions which slow the computing process (or pare them down to basics which don’t require analysis) and let the brain *compute*! And eventually, inevitably, it *will* spit an answer back out to us — generally when we’re doing something totally unrelated. (My three guaranteed times are just when I’m trying to go to sleep, taking a shower, or driving somewhere.)

So if your husband wants to know what you’re doing playing Spider Solitaire or staring off into space, tell him you’re freeing up brain RAM for faster processing of more essential functions.

Now, the problem in our house is not guilt. I’m beyond fortunate in that I’ve got a husband who absolutely won’t *let* me feel guilty. He may be the only man on the planet who values the job of SAHM more highly than most other SAHMs I’ve met. And he’s my saving grace. When I’ve apologized about the state of the house or lack of supper, he’s sent me off for a much-needed nap with a kiss and a smile, volunteered to pick up supper somewhere or run a quick errand. And he’s always, always, been my biggest fan and supporter. I don’t know how I chanced to get him…but I will say, I will never, ever question my luck in doing so. He’s what makes me believe in romance.

However, while he would never make me feel *guilty* if I were sitting there bouncing a ball off a paddleboard and trying to think, he *does* fail to realize when I am concentrating. We have completely different work styles. He’s the type who can keep on working with a stereo blaring, people talking, hustle and bustle and confusion everywhere, and never be bothered. But, he has a very hard time doing very detail oriented stuff. I’m the opposite. I have to have an office-quiet atmosphere, no distractions, no interruptions. I can get a lot done when I’m allowed to concentrate, but interrupt me, and it’ll be 10-15 minutes because I can attain that level of power concentration again.

So, what we’re working on now is the concept of ‘Honey, I’m going to be at my computer working from time X to time Y. I do not want to stop working for any reason, if possible. I do not care who calls, unless they are dying. I will clean up whatever the dog did when I’m done. I adore you, but please hold the ‘one quick question’ until I’m done. During that time, unless the house is burning, the baby is bleeding, choking and/or running a high fever, asteroids are falling from the sky and about to pound the house, pretend I *am not here*.”

And that’s probably going to be our biggest challenge. But we’ll manage, I’m sure of it.

Natasha Moore says:

The same thing happens to me when I’m in my office writing. My hubby seems to only come in when I hop over to check e-mails just for a minute while I ponder the best way to start the next scene, or the next paragraph, or the next sentence…

We gotta do whatever it takes to tell the story and if that means a game or two of Freecell here and there…well, who are we to question the creative process?

And of course, there are tons of people who love your books (L)