Spirit of Competition
Posted by Samantha Hunter in Samantha Hunter, tags: competition, games, life, television
Watching Survivor the other night, and kibitzing with my husband over our favorites, he said “this is going to be a divisive Survivor season for us, isn’t it?” LOL (I like Boston Rob, and hubby admires Russell’s game). We are competitive people, and we can be very competitive with each other, though over the years we’ve found how to make that more of a plus than a negative. Competition is good and healthy — it sparks you to push yourself a little harder, to do a little better. It can add a little spice to life, and emphasize the things you care about. And let’s face it, it’s fun to win, or to be on the winning side. It’s also nice to see someone deserving win, and to see someone take loss gracefully. But things can get heated in the spirit of competition, and it’s sometimes hard to maintain that cool.
I remember when my in-laws visited, and we all played Cribbage. In Cribbage, you can “muggins” someone and take their points if they are not paying attention. In-laws would politely point out to each other when they had not been paying attention and were horrified at dh and I gleefully muggins-ing each other. We were horrified they would point out the lack of attention and give up the points. 
Because if you are going to win, you should earn it. This is how we played games with our kids, and I don’t come from a family where you let someone win. I know this makes raising kids difficult, too. I have mixed feelings about the “everyone wins” philosophy when it comes to kids — I know we don’t want kids feeling bad or left out, but really, does it set the right example? If everyone always wins, do they ever get a chance to learn how to lose well, and to know that is okay? (thinking about last week’s Desperate Housewives, which took this up in an really great way).
The only time I find myself angry about a loss is when it seems unfair — like Rob getting voted off because Coach is a weenie…(okay, I’ll stop…). But seriously, Rob is a solid competitor who deserved to be there. Similarly, on shows like the Amazing Race, you have fantastic teams who lose because they get a bad cabbie in the last leg. Total luck of the draw. I guess the appeal of these shows is much like sports, for those of us who enjoy the competition, watching the challenges, and rooting for our favorites, but those things we can’t control that throw everything sideways are so hard to watch.
And of course, we all have the stories of how/when it can get out of hand, especially in the arena of sports (kids sports, in particular). Respect has to be part of healthy competition — the only way a win is worth it is if you are up against a worthy opponent, and while you can dislike losing, you can simultaneously be happy for the other person’s win. I really dislike when players (and fans) treat each other badly. As a Red Sox fan, I don’t root for the Yankees, but I have to respect the team and the fans. They give us worthy opponents, and great games to watch. Being a Red Sox fan wouldn’t be half the fun without the Yankees, after all.
Anyway, this was just something that popped up into my mind to blog about as the baseball season starts, and Survivor hits it’s critical point. Have you ever felt really bad about your team or player losing? I’ll admit it, I was sulky about Rob being voted out, but it’s how the game goes. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but competition can be a very visceral thing. We’re probably acting out all kinds of archetypal dramas.
It’s 80+ degrees in Syracuse today, so I am probably outside doing yard work with dh — I wonder who will outchop, outclear, outmulch? I will stop by, and if you pop in to share a thought on competition, and it’s part in your life, personality, or reading/writing (or TV watching), I’ll pick someone to receive a copy of my May Blaze, Make Your Move, by the end of the day (just a little contest in the spirit of competition!) 
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I have several thoughts on competition and winning and losing. Competition can be very healthy and teach children about life and fairness. It can especially teach them that life is not always fair, but they have to learn to deal with it. And they can learn how to deal with the fact that there are always going to be those who cheat their way to success. They will also learn that playing fair doesn’t always win that sometimes the cheater wins and nothing will be done about it. That doing their best fairly is always the right thing to do.
I think that’s so important, Ellen, that realistic idea of life, and the whole idea of cheating — yes — unfortunately, as teachers, we deal with that more and more, and of course, our sports stars certainly don’t set great examples what with steroids, etc. I guess real self-esteem is not about winning, which is what they need to know — it’s about knowing you did your best.
Sam
Good Morning Sam! Glad your weather in NY is nice today. Here in IN its raining, not so much fun, lol! As for competition, I think my hubby and I both have a bit of a love for it. We love to play games to see who can win. or bet on who did it on a tv show or movie. Its fun! We also try to teach our kids that its great to compete whether you win or lose. As for survivor, we didnt get into it this season, too much going on, but a few seasons ago when Stephanie was the last one of her tribe to be left and it went down to the final two with her and the skinny chick, who I cant remember her name. I totally thought Stephanie should have won. I was so mad that they gave it to the other chick. Especially since she rode coat tails to make it there, where as Stephanie played the game and played it well. Ok Im done ranting, lol!
Have a great day Sam, and I cant wait to read “Make Your Move”! (*)
Alina, I know — we get so into these games, and attached to the people, and it’s SO hard to see them lose. I thought Stephanie should have won, too, and she was voted out early this season, which always makes me wonder what people are thinking. I dislike when people want to vote out the strong players — I always liked the ones who want to win along with the best, not the worst, of the group.
Sam
I’ve always been lousy at competition. Even when I got involved with book challenges, when I used to think I was a fast reader, I learned different.
I am the girl they always picked last ;-(
You have reminded me that I have to put my pansies and violas in the garden today…So nice to see color after all the snow!
I was always sort of in the middle — I wasn’t great at athletics, but I think if the times had been different, and I had the right encouragement, I might have been, since I am very physical and competitive now.
Oh, we did SO much yard work today… but it wasn’t competitive at all, total cooperation.
And we got a lot done — bring on the flowers!
Sam
My dad and I worked the garden. He does the weeding. I do the planting. I have some seeds I’ll toss in tomorrow to see if they’ll take. I’m hoping the Sweet Williams come up, those are my favorite spring flowers. I look forward to a few trips to the local green houses in the next few months.
Oh, I love Sweet Williams, and they make the best cut flowers — I think I’ll get some for this year!
Sam
Great topic!
I absolutely agree with you, Sam. Kids that are taught everyone gets a slice of the pie have it much tougher later on when they swiftly realize everyone doesn’t, IMO. My CP Tara and I were just talking about this subject yesterday – how seeing others achieve only motivates you to work harder. We were talking about writing, but I think that can be true across the board.
I’m hugely competitive – keep me away from a Monopoly board, LOL. I think a little friendly competition makes certain tasks, like lawn work, more pleasant. Oh, and by the way, I’d always wondered what Cribbage was…thanks for the explanation!
Can’t wait to read Make Your Move! That cover grabs me every time…
Cari, isn’t it a great cover?? I love it, too.
I think that wanting to excel and compete against yourself, to do better, and to let other people’s achievements fire your own motivation is the best result of competition — it’s the positive way of coming at it (the negative ones, of course, being jealousy and cheating…).
One thing I like about the writing community, is that while we’re all in competition of a sort, it’s a very competitive business, but it’s such a supportive, cooperative place — writers support each other, and very rarely, if ever, try to bring each other down. Amazing, really.
When I was in academia, well, it often wasn’t nearly as supportive, let’s say, and someone would probably kill for a better office or more space, LOL.
Monopoly is the one game I can’t play — I lose like in the first ten minutes, LOL (and Trivial Pursuit, because it’s boring), but I love most other games, and we have a lot of people in our family who like to play games, so it’s fun.
I can teach you cribbage sometime.
Sam
It’s 80+ in Houston, too. I started off in jeans, changed into capris, and am now in shorts. I’m eyeing the a/c.
Yes, kids need to learn how to handle losing. AND winning. Nobody likes a gloater.
Heather, great point — we hear all about bad losers/good losers, but it’s so important to be a good winner, too. Honestly, that’s what I can’t stand about Russel on Survivor right now — he was a bad loser last season (and granted he should have won, but still, there were real reasons why he didn’t and that I can see, he didn’t learn from them…) but also, he’s such a “boaster.” I hate that. It’s fine to be confident and proud of your accomplishments, but I hate how he’s always saying “I’m the King and what I say goes because I’m the best.” UGH! I hate seeing someone like that win, even if they are the best.
Almost 90 here for the second day in a row — was shorts all day for yardwork. Reminds me, as it does every year, that there is NO workout like yard work.
Sam
It is always nice to be part of a winning team, but when I played volleyball I learned that playing and having fun was most important. When we were not having fun we lost more often… (*)
Fun is a huge part of all of it. Laughing, and just enjoying the moment. I haven’t played volleyball in years, but would love to — they had glow in the dark volleyball down in FL when we were there last time, and that looked like a lot of fun.
Sam
I do feel sad when one of my favorite teams or athletes loses a game or match. Many people have a competitive nature.
Sometimes it’s hard not to get too into it — I have had moments where I over-react to a loss or a win, but you know, it’s important to get perspective back and be balanced about it. Hard sometimes, though.
Sam
My youngest daughter was an athlete and I brought both my girls up to try their best to win, but if they lost as long as they did their best to hold their heads up high and be proud. I don’t get the mentality of having all kids be winners, they need to learn how to loose with dignity and sportsmanship. They aren’t always going to win at everything they do. However, after saying that I have to admit to coming unglued once at my youngest soccer match. She was probably 8 or 9 and she was the goalie. This girl (who I shall refer to as the little Brat) ran up to the goal when my daughter was laying on the ground after stopping the ball, she had her arms around it with her hands in front, and bear in mind it was right in front of her face, and she hauled off and kicked my daughter in the hand and it hurt naturally so she let go of the ball and it went into the net. The ref called it a goal and they won by that goal. Well, needless to say I was on the field, it was the end of the game, and ripping into the ref for allowing this kind of dangerous play and he did nothing and the goal counted. Well, we spent the rest of the evening in the emergency room because my daughter had nerve damage in her hand and kept loosing feeling in her hand. This is why she couldn’t hang onto the ball, her hand had went numb. We had another game a few days later and had the same ref. My daughter was playing with her hand wrapped and the ref comes over to inspect the bandage to make sure there isn’t anything in it to hurt anyone and asks what’s wrong with her hand. I looked him straight in the eyes and said “Well you know the other night when you allowed that girl to cleat my daughter in the hand we finished the evening in the emergency room because she now has nerve damage in her hand and can’t even hold a pencil in it to do her homework.” He didn’t say a word. It was the last time I had to go on the field for her. Even when she was knocked unconcious once I kept my cool and stayed on the sidelines while my oldest daughter ran out to check on her. She was out for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity so she had to come off the field but begged to go back in and the coach let her so she finished the game. My daughter is tough. She played all the way through a basketball game once with a broken finger. She broke three fingers that year playing basketball. But, she is a gracious winner and loser.
Kids sports can be a battlefield, I know, and it shouldn’t be like that, ever. My son played basketball and soccer, and once at a soccer game, we had parents yell at US because they thought we weren’t cheering enough. Weirdos. LOL
It can get so out of hand. We had a bad incident here where I live recently that actually ended up involved police and several arrests (a few of the parents) for a brawl that broke out at a kid’s basketball game. How can the kids learn if the parent’s can’t control themselves?
Sounds like you did all the right things, and can be proud of your tough cookie! It’s good for kids to learn to handle themselves absent of their parents.
Sam
Hey Sam, compete much? LOL!!!! Don’t enter me, I got that covered. I agree with the idea of losing gracefully. I don’t mind losing if it was a good loss. I tell my basketball team that all the time. What is the point of being mad if you lose, if you played your best and they gave you healthy competition. That to me is a good loss. What ticks me off is when we lose because we didn’t put in enough effort to ensure a win.
Have fun gardening/competing with your hubby.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
LOL Paula — I love healthy, fun competition. Dh and I have all kinds of weird competitions, and the only time I get snippy is if he starts critiquing or “correcting” me when we’re doing something — let’s say he knows better than to do that now. LOL If I need help, I ask for it.
But I never mind losing, as long as I know it was all in fun and a good game. That said, I never bet money, LOL.
Today was a completely cooperative, rather than competitive, time outside — we have so much yard, and so much to do… seriously, we could use a whole team to get it all done, LOL.
Sam
Hi Sam!
I am not really into reality TV at all. But Competition? Oh my yes. My family will tell you they loathe to play any kind of card or board game with me. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be the one to win. I would sulk if I didn’t. And guess what, I still do!!
LOL Karyn.
Typically we don’t have that problem, we’re all pretty good sports even if we are competitive (though we take great joy, in the laughing way, of giving each other the “bad” cards in UNO, etc), except for when dh and I play cards, if one of us wins too much, like constantly, the other will inevitably get grumpy. I used to be that way with tennis, too — I like to play, but he’s way stronger than I am, can serve faster, etc so I didn’t win as much and I admit, it did dent the fun a little bit, but we just try to maintain proper perspective. 
Sam
huge sports fan
feel bad whe they lose
i competive with games shows like je[opardy with my brother
go duke!!!!!!!1
I only really get disappointed when the Red Sox lose, but then again, that’s just part of being a Red Sox fan.
I don’t watch too many game shows, so we never deal with that too much.
Sam
Sammas, I like to think of myself as a non-competitive person, but underneath my “I don’t care” persona I am just as competitive as the next person. This rears its ugly head during family games of Scattergories – a word game, not sure if it’s in NA? – and especially during Pictionary. In fact, if I’m being really honest, Pictionary and I are not a good mix. Consider yourself warned. But I’d like to think I was a decent sport about losing/being beaten once the dust has settled. That was something that was really drummed into me as a kid, and I love seeing my nephews respond with a shrug to losing during their weekly basketball games – to them, the fun of the game and doing their best is what’s important, and that’s so cool. When I was living in NZ, we got free tickets to kickboxing a few times, and I was a bit taken aback by the open and belligerent booing that occurred whenever an Australian fighter went up against a local. Sure, there’s a traditional rivalry between the two countries and being patriotic is understandable, but it struck me as being really…I don’t know, ungenerous. After all, we were there to see a competition (hopefully) between equals. May the best man win etc, etc. Anywho…perhaps I should stop rambling now and go to bed….
Sarah, you are a closet competitor! LOL Certain games and I don’t get along either — I refuse to play Monopoly because there is no way I can win against the more strategic brains of my family — but I agree with you on the booing, etc — in some ways, it’s part of the fun to jeer the opponent (great fun at Fenway Park cheering “Yankees Suck” LOL), but there is also a limit, when it’s not fun anymore and is just mean or bad-spirited.
Sam
The winner of my book is ANDREA!
Congrats Andrea.
Just email me at samhunter@samanthahunter.com and I’ll send you out a copy this week. 
Sam
Congrats Andrea!