Undateable Men
Posted by Heather MacAllister in Heather MacAllister, tags: Books, dating, men
I’m currently working on a Blaze where the heroine goes on a dozen dates, so when I saw a review of Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex, I checked it out. While I was interested to see if the authors’ deal-breakers matched my deal-breakers, I really wanted to avoid having the hero commit any no-nos. The authors, Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle, rank men’s transgressions as Red Flags, Storm Warnings, Not Getting Any, and Kiss of Death. Examples of Red Flags are black jeans, crocs, cell phones clipped to the waist, ugly, gray sweatpants, and vanity plates. Storm Warnings are jorts (jean shorts–who knew?), 
being overly cologned, having a soul patch, fanny packs, shaving your chest, rearranging your junk in public, and playing Dungeons and Dragons. As for Not Getting Any, we have tube socks, bike shorts, holiday sweaters, double denim, open mouth breathing, and owning a rodent. Kiss of Death transgressions include wearing tighty whities, hair plugs, attending a medieval festival, bringing a baseball glove to a professional game, mesh tops, and guylights.
Some of these made me laugh and some were very familiar. Gleefully, I read the article aloud to my husband, who hates what he calls “arbitrary” rules. A little while later, I heard him rummaging around and he emerged from the closet with the belt clip to his cell phone. He made sure I was watching as he clipped the phone to the waistband of his jorts. He also wore tube socks and a tee-shirt on the storm-warning list. Oh, and there was a shadow beneath his lip–a one-day-old soul patch. I just looked at him and said, “No.” He laughed and left the house in his car with the vanity plates. He was probably going to shop for crocs. Later, he changed into black jeans. Also bike shorts, but he was actually biking. At least he didn’t bring home a rodent. Or a girlfriend.
Clearly, I was blinded by love when I was dating, so I don’t know about the 311 things. Sure, berating the wait staff would make a guy undateable for me, but what’s wrong with black jeans?
What makes a guy undateable for you?
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I’ll have to read that. My husband falls into I don’t want to say category. Let’s just say it’s a good thing he’s married.
Katie, I know! Some of their undateables are very . . . how shall I put it? Engineer-specific.
Long, unkempt hair and fingernails, general sloppiness, discourtesy and lack of respect for women, an unfunny sense of humor, and being a cheap skate. I was pursued for years by a guy like that, and he only got worse as the years went by! :-[
Oh, yes, that’ll do it. :-O
I have a long list, too, LOL — years ago, a friend told me that I was being unreasonable in my “requirements” for guys I would date, but after being married to someone who filled out several of the less desirable qualities, I learned the first time. *G* Why settle? Great guys are out there, and I found one and married him.
I would agree with all of the hygenic points, etc, but also any kind of substance abuse and even smoking are deal breakers for me. I like a guy who wants to take care of himself and also who can read a book and hold a conversation.
Sam
Geeze, these ladies don’t like geeks do they? What’s wrong with medieval festivals? Owning a rodent? No hamsters bunnies or gerbils I guess.
BAH!
Granted some of the fashion faux pas make sense..but geeze.
Substance abuse would be the KOD for me, too. But it’s funny how little things are, too.
Andrea, I laughed at the medieval festival thing because we went to the Renaissance festival a few months ago. Did not dress up, but my son and his wife did.
(N) Mt list of undateable offences include but are not limited to:
Stringy dirty looking hair (personal cleanliness is a must)
Too much jewelry (I like to see a watch and not much else)
Flip Flops or sandals (I don’t like em on a guy, sorry)
Hats worn sideways (Need I say more about this one?)
I am sure maybe these guys are nice that commit these offenses but why chance it? LOL
Hi Patsy! Sideways caps are listed as Storm Clouds (I called it Storm Warnings above, but that’s wrong).
They also mention mandals – guy sandals worn with socks.
I don’t like em with socks or without on a guy… UGH so not attractive. LOL
Undateable = not the father of my children
And yes, I already have the children, so the title’s non-transferable 
That’s because I’ve got me a D&D playing, festival-attending, jean short-wearing, tidy-whitey kind of husband. Who has occasionally worn his cell phone on his belt (don’t think he has a belt clip for current phone LOL). I don’t think he owns black jeans (but don’t quote me on that–he has stuff stashed away in the closet that scares me). He has been known to shave his chest, but its more of a mowing, not an attempt at a shine….and he doesn’t get a soul patch. He goes from clean shaven to full beard disturbingly fast.
But then, I’m a D&D playing, festival-attending, jean short-wearing, hanes 6-for $5 cotton kind of girl. And I dearly love my husband
My son proposed by coding a new level in World of Warcraft. She had to beat the level to get the proposal. The groom’s cake was a computer with World of Warcraft on it. (L)
Oh my word I snorted when reading these…wonder how many Storm Warning lists I just made. Too funny.
I met a blind date once at his office – walked in and froze when I caught sight of the black dress pants, black dress shoes and lovely WHITE athletic socks. I couldn’t focus the rest of the night. I know, I’m so shallow but c’mon. I just wanted a tiny touch of class. Mother of pearl! :-S
The authors were interviewed and said that sometimes it wasn’t the–in your case white socks–that was so bad, it was the part of the brain that thought it was okay.
LOL, those are great!! What’s wrong with jorts anyway? Okay, some guys look silly in them. And they have to be nice ones, not the too-short fraying cut-offs. Huh.
Heather, what you DH did sounds exactly like what mine would do if I read him that list, LOL!
I think I agree with Kristi: Undateable = not the father of my children
And yes, I already have the children, so the title’s non-transferable 
I can’t figure out the jorts ban, either!
Too funny! I’m sure I have a list… I am so glad I have no use for it. Am happily married to a guy who hasn’t committed any of the offenses Heather lists. Although…right now he’s singing while working and I’m about ready to put my headphones on.
So does he paint his face for sports games? Wear sleeveless shirts? Team shirts? Say “booya”? Pleated pants? Camo? There’s got to be something, LOL!
Hygiene is at the top my list along with ‘no hair plugs’, but what about things like ‘mean to animals’ or ‘is a felon’?
I’ll bet they’re on the list. But so is owning a cat. (@)
My deals breakers:
1) Doesn’t groom. Brush your hair, brush your teeth, and if you don’t want to shave at least keep your beard tidy. Who knows, if you stop shaving I might stop too!
2) Jeans that are tighter than mine. It makes your legs look like toothpicks and that’s just silly. Plus that can’t be good for, y’know, CIRCULATION. ;3
3) Bad posture. No, really. Keep your ears above the level of your shoulders. Aside from all that a bad slouch suggests (lack of energy, weak personality, spine made out of a soggy noodle) I’m a tall girl and the last thing I need is for you to look shorter.
Posture–that’s a good one.
Bad manners and bad hygiene are deal breakers.
Why don’t some guys get the hygiene thing?
A deal killer for me is if he’s not perfect like me.
I think that’s entirely reasonable.
Isabel
My dad used to say, “Your mother is never wrong. She may not always be right, but she is never wrong.”
I’m with Patsy, I don’t like guys in sandals. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a turn off for me. Smoking is a huge turn off, not that’s just bad for your health, but I stuff right up when I’m around it. Hygiene is definitely important.
Some of those made me scratch my head because I don’t know what would be wrong with them. I laughed at what your husband did Heather.
Hmm. I guess the good news is that my husband doesn’t fall in the Not Getting Any class, but he commits two ‘Kiss of Death’ ones. I’m not sure why they think tighty whities are so bad? Boxers always make me think of a guy with a big belly who’s going to spend his Saturday nights sitting on the sofa, inspecting his body hair and demanding beer service.
But we had a baby 14 months ago, so obviously he equals worthy father in *my* book.
I don’t have a problem with geeks, per se, but there are levels and levels to geek. There’s nothing wrong with going to Ren Faires; there *is* something wrong with people who are completely immersed in their ‘alter egos’ there (and we have some friends who have businesses at the Faires, so have seen some of these.) And, as a gamer (who met her husband gaming) there’s nothing wrong with gaming…but everything wrong with the gamer geeks who forget how to shower. Or shave. Or have to be surgically separated from their chair because they’ve become bloated and gross.
I would find the face-painters and sports fanatics to be deal killers. More testosterone than sense is a deal killer as well. Anyone with the frat boy mentality, bye-bye.
Hygiene and more importantly, good grooming, are a big ones for me, too. I’m not saying I want men who wax more than I do, but regular haircuts and showers and neat dress are a must. Most of all, NO tattoos or piercings. I can’t look at men with spacers in their ears and not get sick.
And last but not least, good manners. I once went to dinner with a Chippendale’s model who apparently didn’t know how to use a napkin or chew with his mouth closed. Ugh. Show me a little breeding!!
Overall, though, very funny list!
Yeah, the gamers. I understand, but I really hate hearing, “Sorry, but we’ve got a raid that night.” Or missing work because your character can bring bodies back to life and if you don’t, somebody in your guild will “die.”
But forget all that–you went on a date with a Chippendale’s model?!? :-P
No one in my family smokes so I didn’t grow up around it. I couldn’t live with a smoker. I go hoarse when I’m around too much cigarette smoke.
When I read several interviews with the authors, I realized that while some of the stuff guys do is harmless, it’s a clue to a woman who is looking for a mate and father of her children. Some are indicators that the man isn’t ready to settle down and others are insights to his personality and values.