Not Quite Ready…
Posted by Jillian Burns in Jillian Burns, tags: back to school, kids growing up, moving out, off to college, time flies
Well, the kids went back to school 
this week. I remember when I used to be just like Kathleen O’ Reilly (Aug 19th) I’d get the last little rug rat out the door and then go open a bottle of champagne and do the happy dance around the empty, quiet living room while throwing confetti and blowing a party horn.
But this year it’s different. I guess it has to do with my oldest being a senior. I feel the era of having little ones at home slipping away. In the spring my firstborn will graduate, and by this time next year she’ll be gone to college.
My baby girl. How fast the past eighteen years have gone. It seems like only yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital wrapped in her pretty pink blanket her Mimi crocheted, and rocking her against my shoulder in the middle of the night.
In the blink of an eye she was holding my hand as I walked her into her classroom on the first day of Kindergarten.
Maybe it’s because I had another baby 17 months after she was born, and then another 5 years after that. But I feel like I turned around and my firstborn was suddenly a moody teen. As much as I tried to soak in every moment—and I have the pictures of Disney princess and Barbie Ballerina birthday parties to prove she had one—it feels like her childhood was over practically before it began.
So, even though I still have a fifth grader, and a son whose rock band likes to practice in our garage, I feel the silence in our house this week quite keenly. On the one hand, I have two deadlines and the quiet time while they’re in school enables me to get those 5 pages a day written. But on the other, the lack of noise screams at me: “Only a few more years and they’ll all be gone.”
And I’ll be entering a new era of my life. One where I’m not the center of my kids’ worlds. Where they are adults with their own lives and I’m just an afterthought or somewhere to bring dirty laundry. Hopefully, they’ll still need my advice and want my company every once in a while. But it will be different.
So, this is my last year with my daughter. My firstborn. My baby girl.
Was I ready for school to start? No way. I guess I better soak up every minute with her while I can.
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Beautiful girl by the way…
I can feel everything you are saying here. My youngest just turned 21 back on July 10th and my oldest, which I acquired when I met my hubby, is 29 and lives in CT while we are here in Texas. She still calls me when she is down or just needs a boost talk. She’ll call and say “Mom are you busy?” That’s how I know she just needs to hear her mom’s voice. My youngest will probably never leave the nest (too many medical issues to live alone) We built her her own apartment in the back but she still spends more time in the house with us.
The day she graduated from high school I cried because all of a sudden my once cherished mommy roll was about to change. It was different when the oldest graduated. I was sad to see her going off to college and I did cry when her dad drove her off to college but then there was still the youngest at home and depending on us. I am still in Mommy mode from time to time but you are right it all takes on a different role once they graduate and no longer depend on you quite the same way… ;-(
Good luck this school year because it is going to fly by at the speed of light… (U)
Patsy, It’s a tribute to you that your step-daughter calls you mom and knows she can call her mom when she’s down and needs her Mama. And with your other daughter, it’s a fine line between caring for them and letting them have independence. I have a sister with special needs and I’m in awe of that kind of love. Thanks for coming by today!
Big hugs
This sort of reminds me of a line from a country song… “Don’t blink.” Time really does fly by, whether you’re paying attention or not. I look back at the last ten years and wonder where in the world they went! I’m not liking that feeling at all. I can’t believe my nephew will be three next month. Seems like yesterday my SIL was sitting in my living room showing me an ultrasound photo.
I love that song! Also, there’s a Trace Atkins song called YOU’RE GONNA MISS THIS. Talking more to the kid about not wanting to grow up so fast. I’ve been trying to tell my eldest this, she’s so eager to move out and be on her own, and I keep saying enjoy this time of relatively no responsibility. It goes by in the “blink” of an eye. ;-(
Your daughter is beautiful.
I am having trouble because I will have a 5th, 3rd and kindergartener. I am not sure our school is ready for three of us. I love the structure that this time of year brings (I try to have structure year round for my oldest with autism), but with structure busy-ness ensues and that I am not looking forward to.
Hi Katie!
I know what you mean about school days getting you on a schedule. This summer I rarely cooked dinner at a decent hour and we end up eating in front of the TV a lot or going out for burgers. But once school starts I cook more decent meals and we eat at the table as a family. So, it’s a good thing. Enjoy your little ones and take time for yourself too
Hugs, GF!
Jillian – Your daughter is beautiful. My daughter is 11 and just started Middle School. A major change for us all. I thought I was ready for school to start, but it’s really hit me this time how quickly she is growing up.
Thank you , Tammy. Awww, 11. That was just about when my oldest started getting rebellious and moody and snarky. Enjoy her while you can. btw, I got my author copies of SEDUCE AND RESCUE and will be mailing you out your copy you won a few months ago. I’m waiting on some special bookmarks I ordered and also trying to find Bluebonnet seeds. I may have to owe them to you. :-$
Hugs!
Moody and snarky – yes it has started. She will be 12 in December. After a big cry, she does come back to her old self! I am treasuring those moments!! And I can’t wait to get your book. Also, I meant to say this was such a touching blog and it brought a tear to my eye.
Hugs!
Hi Jillian,
She has grown into a beautiful young lady. And you made me tear up, thank you very much. My boys are both grown with families of their own, but I remember the same feelings. BTW – mine come back lots with families in tow, so don’t fret. Just a new era for everyone, but she won’t go so far that she won’t come back to the nest.
Thanks Pammy. Yeah, if mine come around as often as yours I’ll never have a chance to miss them.
Aw, sniff!
Hi Jillian! Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your daughter is beautiful! And your right Trace Adkins song Your Gonna Miss This is totally fitting. My oldest is 10, but I can already see it going by way to fast. All three of my kids seem to be growing like weeds right before my eyes. And your so right on telling her to enjoy being a kid a while longer. What I wouldnt give some days to be living back at home, having my parents take care of me and not having a care in the world. Hope she enjoys her senior year!
Cant wait to read your next book! Have a wonderful weekend! (*)
Hi Alina,
Thank you.
Oh my, your oldest is just 10? Well, enjoy them all now b4 they hit the teens.
And I know exactly how you feel. I look back on my childhood with such wistfulness. So carefree and easy. No real responsibilities, lots of free time to play and read… Those were the days.
I SO hope you like SEDUCE AND RESCUE. Next month I’m going to talk about my inspiration for the story and how one part of the story is really mimicking what’s going on in the world today!
Thanks for coming by today!
Hugs
Hi Jillian
Wonderful post & pics. I agree with the blink. My son Jay was 2, then he was 20. The angel she was in the early pics is still there. The beautiful young adult is coming into her own. You did good. Miss you & the sizzling pens like crazy. ((hugs))
tennismom
hi Mary!
Miss you and SP too! 20?? :-O You must have been a child bride.
Hugs,
J
Thanks J, I needed a good cry. I can’t believe it either. Where have the years gone? I love you all so much.