Helloooo, Mr. Advertiser Man? Yeah, you in the suit pitching your next bright idea for a TV commercial–the one that includes a woman lounging by a swimming pool and up walks some guy you think is our idea of the perfect romance hero? Yeah, that one. Before you go too far with that, I’d like to show you something. If you’ll just come with me, it will only take a second. It’s this way, down the hall and around the corner. Yeah, here it is. It’s the 21st century.

Huh? No, it’s not new. We’ve all been here for about a decade now. Yeah. And you’ll see a few things have changed. Namely, that guy you’re assuming is our romance hero? He looks nothing like this:

Nope, I’m sure. If you were to stroll through the romance aisle in the book store or–here’s an idea–actually talk to a woman who reads romance? You’d discover this guy was fashionable about….oh….thirty years ago.

Yeah, really. Equating him to our fantasy man is about as appropriate as casting these guys as dreamy rock stars:

Yep. That was the 80′s. It’s 2009 now. Why don’t you join us?

If it’s a romance hero you’re looking for, may I suggest someone like this?

I literally stared at this picture for 4 months while writing my latest Blaze. He was the inspiration for my hero. It’s Jon Hamm, but I called him Marc Strauss. Nope, not Damien or Sebastian or Jaque-Phillipe. Just Marc with a “c”. And believe it or not, you’ll find guys like this on lots and lots of romance novel covers. We love men in suits, clean cut guys with jobs and maybe a really nice car. Yeah, traveling by schooner is kinda out these days.

Bare-chested heroes riding in on white horses, you ask? Sure, we love horses and love men riding in on them, and no, shirts aren’t required. But today they’d look a little more like this:

Firemen are also pretty hot. We’ve been lusting over them for about 10 years now. Yep. What’s that? No, I’ve got no idea where you’ve been. It’s actually kinda old news, really.

You could do a Top Gun military man too. We’d prefer one of those Navy Seals that actually captures the pirates instead of the pirate himself.

Heck, we’re easy. You can even do a Speedo as long as he looks like this:

Just stop with the billowing white blouses buttoned down to the navel. Even women don’t wear those anymore. And if a man’s going to unbutton his shirt that far, we’d just as soon he take it off. Oh, and if anyone in the room utters the word “mullet” please fire them on the spot and send them to the nearest Motley Cruefest. They seriously shouldn’t be in the business of selling anything to women–or grown-up men, for that matter.

So, ladies, while we have Mr. Advertiser Man’s attention, is there anything else you’d like to add to this public service announcement? Better heroes you’d like to see in their ads instead of the Fabio-cut-outs they’re still throwing at us? Husbands who aren’t complete imbeciles jumping up and down in front of the Glade air freshener trying to get it to spritz?

What type of hero would get you to drop the remote, run to the store and buy the product he’s selling?

Alas, it’s true. Gil’s gone. And millions of women across the world are left with no other option than to buy up nine seasons of CSI on DVD and spend the rest of our lives living in the past.

Yet, what’s worse than seeing him go is the fact that he’s left before I could ever really get a handle on why I loved him so much. I mean, think about it. The man loves bugs more than breasts, his most prominent character trait is emotional oblivion, and he’s a solid decade my senior (no, really, he is). One gets the distinct impression that life as Mrs. Grissom would involve lots of spoiled dinners, lonely anniversaries and cold showers. So why has he entered the hearts of so many women as an unwitting romantic lead?

I mean, does this honestly work for you?

I think we’re addicted to the challenge. Like our fascination with playboys and bad boys. When it comes to fantasy men, we seem to yawn over the ones who make life too easy on us. After all, what fun is it getting flowers from a guy who gives flowers to all his dates? We want to believe we’re that one-and-only, the uber-special someone who got the rebel to conform, the rambler to settle down, and Gil Grissom to drop his bug jar and come to bed. They aren’t reality, but when it comes to entertainment, who wants reality?

Unfortunately, now that this TV fantasy man is gone, I’ll have to find myself a new one. (I’m sorta eyeing Jon Hamm from Mad Men.)

But this brings me to the question: What TV heroes have you loved and lost over the years? Were you a Gil Grissom fan? What about Jason Priestly from Beverly Hills 90210? Were you all over Don Johnson during his Miami Vice years? Tom Selleck, Magnum P.I.? Or, if you’re as old as dirt like me, here’s a blast from the past: Paul Michael Glazer from Starsky & Hutch. (Oh, man. If there was a Tiger Beat with his picture on it, I owned it!) What TV heroes have you loved and lost over the years?