Mosquitoes love me. I do not love them. I don’t return their calls, I’m always busy when they want to go out, I slap them when they get too close, but they’re not taking the hint. Maybe it’s because I’m outnumbered here in the Bayou City and the word being spread isn’t, “Stay away or die!” but “Free all-you-can-eat buffet!” The RWA Conference is next week and I’m going to look as though I just got off the plane from a two-week stint at Girl Scout Camp.

Meanwhile, the battle rages on. My first line of defense is an electronic goody: the Stinger Mosquito Trap. I have one just inside the front door. A light attracts the mosquitoes and a fan sucks them in where they dehydrate. No muss no fuss. Until I have to empty it.

My favorite weapon was an anniversary present. Roses are nice, but give me an electronic mosquito zapper anytime. I sleep with it next to the bed and when I hear that whiny buzz, I grab the racket without turning on the light, wave it around until I hear a snap and see a spark as 1500 volts fry the mosquito. Very satisfying. The smell of burning mosquito? Not so much.

Speaking of smell, a couple of years ago, I started looking for a new perfume. I’ve been squirting myself at counters, buying samplers, and rubbing my arms with those cards that come in magazines in hopes of eliciting more than, “It’s okay” from my husband. I’d about given up until one day he said, “Hey! What’s that perfume? I really like that.” And so I’ve found my new signature scent: Off Smooth and Dry.

If you’ve got any mosquito-fighting tips, please tell me!

P.S. I’ve just redone my website. Stop by and take a look.