One day this holiday, a friend of mine handed me a book she had gotten from the library. It was urban lit with African-American characters and, she confided, it was badly written. “You should be doing these!” she declared. Now, I know that she meant that I was such a good writer, that I could be making millions if only I stepped into this other market. It didn’t matter to her that I’m not African-American and have no understanding of their experience. Nor did she understand that I was doing just fine in the romance market. She simply meant zillions of dollars could be had if only I wrote something else entirely.

I thanked her for her advice, of course, because that’s what polite people do, but inside I was thinking: would you tell a trial attorney that he ought to be in tax accounting because there’s money to be had there? Or perhaps you would suggest to a successful oil painter than he should slide into computer graphics because that’s a big market. Please tell me that this is true! Then I won’t think that writers get the bulk of the well-meaning but clueless advice.

Now if this was a one-time thing, I wouldn’t even be blogging about it. But over the years, I have gotten a few doozies. One of my relatives asked who reads my books. Ignorant secretaries? My mother once firmly told me that I should stop writing that historical romance trash and write real literature like Gone with the Wind. And my uncle, God love him, told me that I should stop writing romance and do something like the movie Sabrina. Oodles of money to be had there.

I know I should be grateful. Honestly, they’re taking an interest in my career and at least making conversation beyond, “Wow, the Bears really suck this year” and “why the hell did you dye your hair red?” I love my relatives and know that they don’t mean to hurt me when they ask, “So when do you plan on making the NY Times list?” (I’ve decided to schedule it in for 2012). I just needed to rant somewhere, so here it is. You’re subjected to it.

Now it’s your turn to share. Surely someone else has gotten well meaning but clueless advice this holiday season! Tell me! Please!